Column: Lessons learned at the fair

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The Dakota County Fair is a remarkable event. It’s one of the rare opportunities in this world to indulge guilt-free in massive quantities of artery-clogging food, ogle livestock and cheer as strangers ram headlong into each other in an event that is the daydreams of any driver trapped in rush-hour traffic sprung to violent life.

Really, what else do you need?

The fair is also instructive. If you’re paying attention, you can learn a lot, and not just about what a Holstein looks like or what it feels like to feel your arteries actively close off. To that end, we offer this week a list of some of the Dakota County Fair’s most valuable lessons.

Fair lesson No. 1: Fried food deserves its own food group If we were to write a Fair Constitution, one of the truths our founding fair fathers would hold self evident is that pretty much any food is better after a trip through the deep-fryer. One of the entries in their fair Bill of Rights might include the right to gorge yourself guilt-free on deep-fried ravioli, deep-fried Twinkies, even deep fried vegetables. You want to batter up an ice-cream covered candy bar wrapped in pasta, fry it up and and chow down? Go right ahead. You’re at the fair. It will probably be delicious.

Fair lesson No. 38: There are some pretty talented people around Dakota County Wander through the arts and crafts buildings. Check out the photos, the quilts, the paintings. There’s some really good stuff. Or, wander over to the talent show. Dakota County’s singers, dancers yodelers and hula hoop artists — yes, that’s a thing — have some serious skills. It’s a concert, an art gallery and a dance recital all in one, complete with the smell of manure.

Fair lesson No. 125: You don’t need a full set of teeth to operate a carnival game Based on the available evidence, being dentilly advantaged might actually hurt your career opportunities.

Fair lesson No. 189: Some people will take any chance they can get to ram their cars into other cars And people like to watch, too. Actually, given the popularity of new additions like this year’s lawnmower derby, people like watching just about anything crashing into other things. Which explains the ongoing popularity of football. And most political talk shows.

Fair lesson No. 253: Stand clear of the greased-pig splash zone Watching 4-H kids scramble after wet, muddy pigs is entertaining. But it’s also messy. And if you’re standing too close that mess can get on you. Beware the splash zone, people. It’s bigger than you think. And if you’re not careful you’ll end up with mud splashed on your new shirt.

It is just mud, right?

Tags: county fair, opinion, commentaries, farmington