Column: The great cooling debate

Talk about it

There was a great battle waged last weekend.

OK, battle is probably too strong a word. So is skirmish, now that I think about it. I’d say kerfuffle, but that sound a little pretentious.

You know what it was like? It was like when marginally famous people get into one of those wars of words in the media, and celebrity journalists spend all their time running back and forth to breathlessly ask things like, “Did you hear what Snookie said about you now? What do you think about that?”

You know, like middle school, but with more TMZ.

Anyway, it was a little bit like that, only it was all in my head and nobody was implying anybody else was fat.

This isn’t the first time I’ve gone through this particular struggle. It happens every summer when the temperature first spikes above 90 degrees. It’s all about air conditioning, and whether I ought to have it in my home.

This weekend was the closest I’ve ever come to caving in. It seems I’m getting less tolerant of sweat in my old age. It hasn’t been an issue before now. Hot days are what movie theaters are for, right?

My current house has been particularly good for hot weather. The downstairs typically stays cool on all but the hottest days, thanks to the many large trees in my yard. I have a love-hate relationship with those trees. They’re great this time of year. It’s when autumn comes and the leaves fall I start pricing chainsaws.

Upstairs is different. On the hottest days, I have two distinct climates in my house: relatively comfortable downstairs and what might fairly be called “armpit of the jungle” upstairs. Unfortunately, upstairs is where I have chosen to put my bedroom. Also unfortunately, whoever installed the window in the room where I keep my bed chose a style that is too narrow by about five inches for any window-mounted AC unit I have so far been able to find.

There are other issues, too. For example, someone put only two-prong outlets in the area where a reasonable person might plug an air conditioner in. I think even Amish farm houses have three-prong outlets these days.

And so, over the weekend I found myself standing in a store and pondering portable air conditioning units that are much more expensive than window-mounted units and really kind of ugly. I balanced the cost and the fact I only really want air conditioning a few days each year with the idea this unit might last for years. I ignored, obviously, the fact nothing these days actually seems made to last for years.

I argued with myself that, considering the air conditioning in my car hasn’t worked for years, it might be nice to have at least one place I could go that is cool.

I made all these arguments, quite convincingly, I thought, and still I couldn’t do it. I settled for a nicer fan.

Now, what good movies are out?

Tags: opinion, farmington, commentaries