Weather Forecast


Column: There's no accounting for taste

During the past six weeks my life has been consumed by accounting concepts. My eight-week accelerated accounting course is consuming my entire free time. Already I've spent thirteen hours on a research paper and I have probably another six or eight hours to go. Every night visions of amortization and depreciation dance in my head.

I comfort myself with the thought that when I'm finally done with this paper others can use it as a natural, side-effect free version of Sominex. You know how the announcers on Minnesota Public Radio speak in that slow and monotonous tone? I bet if I made a podcast of myself reading my accounting paper in the same tone I could make a fortune by charging insomniacs $5 a pop to download it.

I can't wait to finish up my paper, hand it in and then head out to Dew Days to blow off some steam. The Kiss the Pig contest is Friday night at 6 PM sharp, down at the American Legion on Highway 3. As soon as the pig is wearing some lipstick, I'm racing to downtown Farmington for the bed races and classic car cruise. I'm looking forward to a slice of pizza from B & B, then a nice early night in bed.

Usually I never go to bed early, but ever since my accounting midterm I've been feeling worn out. The week of the midterm I worked about 48 hours in four days and I still was late getting out of work to go to class. I drove like a bat out of heck to get to the midterm. There was no time in between work and accounting class to stop for dinner, so I ate a bag of jalapeno cheese-flavored Combos that was in my glove box and washed them down with a warm bottle of Snake Eyes energy drink that was rolling around behind the passenger seat. You're probably wondering why I had these foodstuffs in my vehicle. Holiday gas station has a lot of "buy two, save two dollars" promotions. Inevitably, I end up buying two of some kind of snack, consuming one package and leaving the other behind in my car. I'm a sucker for the marketing.

The jalapeno Combos and Snake Eyes combination turned out to be a gastrointestinal mistake. I had the worst stomachache of my life during the test, combined with a killer tension headache leftover from work. As I leaned over the exam on my desk, accounting ratios floated on the paper. I flipped to the terminology section. What was an asset mix again? I felt like I had a bad asset mix churning in my stomach.

Finally I gave up, gathered my books and handed the exam to the instructor. I got a B, which is the worst grade I've had on an exam for years. Literally, maybe the worst grade in 10 or 11 years, and I've been in school pretty much that whole time.

Since the exam I've been eating trail mix and drinking sparkling water before my accounting class. My grades have improved and I'm still hoping I'll hit it out of the park with my paper to get an A. Then I can celebrate at Dew Days with my favorite energy drink, good old fashioned Mountain Dew.

Nathan Hansen

Nathan Hansen has been a reporter and editor with the Farmington Independent and the Rosemount Town Pages since 1997. He is very tall.

(651) 460-6606